listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
