You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
