I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
