Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
