Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
