I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
