also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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