this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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