Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
