Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
