i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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