Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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