Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
