the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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