I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
