And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
tell me about the eggs
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
