Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
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We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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