All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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