Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
