Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
