Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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