My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
