I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
