so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
