i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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