I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
