Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
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I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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