a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize