??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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