btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She's the barista slut.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
