So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
