I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
