I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
