It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
