so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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