why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
