Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
