how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
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Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
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listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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