My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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