u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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