i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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