Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
