he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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