There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
