i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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