I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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