Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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