Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
