Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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