Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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