we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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