you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
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He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
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i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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