apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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