yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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