If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
