Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
