Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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