he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
