i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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