two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
