I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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