Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
