Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
