Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
