my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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