Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
