i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
