Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
