hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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