I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
