I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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